Month: March 2015

Perfect Match

She was a loser

She was always hanging out

At my favorite beach bar

The same bar that will serve me

While not wearing a shirt or shoes

It’s like a home away from home

Good drinks

Good music

Fun tenders, who always have good jokes

But she was usually here, too

Like a sibling you just have to live with

Or a stubborn fly, at a picnic

She was the house complainer

Her drinks were wrong

Her food was no good

She didn’t like the music

She wanted the god damned tv channel changed

She was miserable

And she was a fixture

But every bar has to have at least one

And this lucky gem of a spot

Had two

They also had him

He was the resident arguer

Mister know-it-all

The infamous one-upper

He swoops down

On unsuspecting guests

And bulls his way into their conversations

Telling them how they have their own stories wrong

Or what they should have done

Or why he would have done it better

A complete waste of oxygen and soul

It was last week, about 2:30 pm, when I arrived

Chuck was behind the bar

He gave me his usual double-fingered point

And I answered with my usual nod

He poured my usual nut-brown ale

“You should have been here earlier”, he said

“Why’s that?”

“When I arrived to open up, your two favorite people were waiting by the front door.”

I knew who he was talking about

And he knew that I knew

We’ve had more than a few laughs, at their expense

“They were talking to each other”, he said with a grin

“You’re puttin’ me on”

“No way, sir.  I wouldn’t have believed it either, but they were.  And they were civil.”

“No shit?”

“Honest.  I let them in, fixed their usual drinks and twenty minutes later she was asking me about any close and cheap motels.”

“Every dog has his day”, I said

I sat there for a while, nursing my beer

Suddenly, I realized how quiet and boring this place was

There was no arguing

No complaining

I finished my beer, paid up and walked to the door

Just as I made it outside

There they were

Just heading in

I couldn’t pass this up

For as much as I hated the both of them

I had to see how this played out

So I turned around and went back in

I approached the bar, and Chuck gave me his usual double-fingered point

His coy smile said it all

“I figured you’d be back”

“And miss the stories about this perfect match?”, I asked

“Not on your life, Chuck.”

© Dicky J Loweman 2015





Mother Nature’s Endlessness

Endless dreams

Always return

To places I’ve never touched, been

But always continue to look for

Quiet mountains

Silent beaches

Deepest forests


Endless visions

Never focused

Lost forever in all their clarity

Inhale, soft closing of my eyes

Reveals sights

True beauty

Raw emotions


Endless secrets

Whispered softly

So only she could possibly hear

How she swiped my very soul

Quiet love

For none

But her

© Dicky J Loweman 2015

Disturbing The Condition

She was often fond of disturbing the condition

Upsetting my days, masked with self-centeredness and

Little function of connection

While I liked the disconnection

She seldom seemed content to let it be

And to top it off, she held the ability

To deprive me of my power of resistance

So there I was

Continuously attracted to her unique

Personal charm

And if she had her way

I would have stayed like that


And a day

© Dicky J Loweman 2015

The Etiquette Of Navigating A Corkage Fee

Twenty-five dollars

That cock-sucker of a waiter

Wants twenty-five god damned dollars

What for?

For nothing

He did absolutely nothing

I brought the wine

I opened it, even though I knew not to

He said there would be a corkage fee

I agreed

But twenty-five dollars?

The whole bottle cost only thirty

Perhaps we can work this out, I thought

Finally, I had the answer

I put my money, for the meal, in the checkholder

I pretended to go to the bathroom

But slid out the kitchen, instead

Twenty-five dollars?

Suck my cock

You get none of it, garçon

© Dicky J Loweman 2014

* Number 3 from Muses and Other Gauche Thoughts