dark humor


There is a very painful moment in life

Where you wake up and discover

That most of it is gone

That time, now moves faster than ever

And no matter how rich, successful, or happy

None of this will matter

In the end

For when the end comes

It will look the same to all of us

We will all end up alike

For dead is dead…

The end

© Dicky J Loweman 2015

Kafka, Bukowski And Me

Kafka turned to Bukowski and said,

“You var an arsehole”

Bukowski took a swig of his wine,

And answered

“It takes one to know one, baby”

Then we just sat there

In silence

Not one of the three of us spoke

I watched the flame of a candle

The only light to this room

After a while,

Kafka shot a confused glare,

Straight at Henry

Hank responded by pounding the glass of red wine

I just continued to sit there


Without words to say

Taking it all in

Basking in their pissing contest,

But too small to interrupt

And let’s face it —

No one was sure

Just how I got here

And although none of us admitted to it

We all knew the answer

I held the slightest chance,

Of getting out alive

© Dicky J Loweman 2015


How Would You Do It?

Often, while bored

I think of all the people

In this world,

Who truly despise me

The people who

Would love to hear that

I have died,

Passed on,

Kicked the proverbial bucket

I drift back and think of all the ways

I have bothered these people

These same people

Who, countless times

Have bothered me, too

I often think it would be fun

To sit these people down

And ask each one

The same question

“If you could get away with killing me, how would you do it?”

I know this isn’t ‘normal’ thought pattern,

But what the hell?

It brings me to a full smile

Especially when I think

Of all their creative ways

I imagine some people

Would want to kill me

Some more than once, I bet

I mean, with all the options

Only having one shot at it,

Kind of seems

Like a ripoff

But that’s when the smile leaves

because there is always a follow-up thought

And this one, I don’t much care for

It’s the thought

Of those few people

Who wouldn’t want to tell me

Their ideal way of

polishing me off

When I think of these few people,

I’m no longer smiling

And the reason is simple

These are the few people,

I believe,

Who have a real desire

To get rid of me

And that scares me

More than the dying part

Because one of those faces

Of the people who truly hate me

Might be the last face I see

And that alone

Is a reason to mix a drink

© Dicky J Loweman 2015


Sometime I think

If 90% of all the people in the world

Were to suddenly disappear,

There would still be about 9%

Too many

I know, I know

I’m a glass half-full kind of guy

Look at me,

Mr. Positive

Wishing most of you away

I’m going to get hate mail for this one

I can’t wait

To hear from you soon,

But that goes

Only for the 1%

© Dicky J Loweman 2015

Owl Warning

I read an article today

Said Oregon’s capital was to start posting warning signs in a park

Runners have reported attacks from an angry owl

Find somewhere else to spend the money

Find something else (useful) to post

Find somewhere else to run

And leave the bitchy bird alone

Remember, people

That’s HIS home

Not yours

You’re just a guest…

© Dicky J Loweman 2015